The first post of who I am. (alcohol may have influenced this post)

Well it’s a first post. For me this is kind of like the start of a conversation and as with the start of a conversation I really don’t know where to start. I guess an introduction is due, so here it goes: My name is Craig and I’m a recovering couch potato. Recently I’ve been looking at where I am in life and for some strange reason the words “use to” keep coming to mind. I use to be physically fit, I use to be active in sports, I use to be very happy, I use to be pain free, and I use to be confident. I guess for those who don’t know me, should be everyone, I can break these down.

I use to be physically fit = I use to be at a decent weight and be able to perform activities without constantly feeling strained or unable to complete the task. Now I’m not completely lost, but I know that I’m not where I should be. I’m not happy about the beer belly and I’m not happy that when I try to exercise I feel unfit.

I use to be active in sports = I use to play hockey. I played hockey, mostly roller, for a very long time and use to be pretty good too. Now the hockey team has split up and I’ve been too lazy to find a new team or go play pick-up games.

I use to be very happy = I use to enjoy every day for what it brought. I use to look toward the future and make the best of everything. Lately I’ve been a recluse; I’ve looked back on past days, months, years, and not been happy. I’ve actually been disappointed with what the days have become, and now I don’t look forward, but rather backwards to when times were good. Don’t get me wrong, I still have good days and I know that the day is as good, or bad, as I make it, but it’s been hard to maintain a positive attitude sometimes.

I use to be pain free = I never used knee surgery as an excuse. Lately when I try to do something active I always seem to blame my knees on my inability to follow through with an exercise plan. I have bad knees and I know it, but it’s never held me back before. In recent history I have used this as an excuse to be lazy. The more I let myself go, the harder it will be to condition my knees and strengthen my body. This “I use to” is almost my most hated because I hate that I use this as an excuse. I know people that have it way worse than I do and they do not let it get them down.

I use to be confident = I use to know who I was and it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. I use to be good at whatever I set my mind to because I knew I could do it. I use to be able to think my way through anything; to convince my body that I could succeed. Nowadays I hide in a shell of my former self and convince myself that I am not as good as I once was, to let myself be kept down because I know I’m no better. This is crap; one giant, annoying mind game that I need to snap out of. This one is all in my head and I need to turn it around, and I know the only way to turn it around is to break the “I use to’s” and to make the best of what I have. This blog is all about regaining my confidence in who I am, and to hold myself accountable to be that person.

Hrmm… I guess I made my first blog the same way that I talk to strangers at a party. I hide in a corner not sure what to say and then I go to the bar and come back to share my entire life story. So for those few people who might actually read this, my name is Craig and I’m going to enjoy this adventure that I call my blog. I hope that you, the reader, enjoy this blog as much as I will.

The picture is of my partner in crime and myself; there will be more on her later.